The
whole tale begins with my last period, which began on March 23, 2013, and
then missing my next period. AJ and I
were both 100% convinced I was pregnant.
On May 6
th I took a pregnancy test and it came up … negative. Saddened by the unexpected results but a
little relieved to not be having a “surprise” pregnancy, we went on with
life. Fast forward a week, past our car
wreck and Smith family reunion, on May 21
st, we decided to take
another home pregnancy test. “Just in
case, we took the last one too early.”
This time the test came back positive- I was SHOCKED! So I took another one, the next day, on May 22
nd. Which also affirmed
I was expecting- I was elated!
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| Found at babycenter.com |
For
insurance purposes, I scheduled a pregnancy test at a local doctor’s office for
May 24th. Third time is the
charm! It was official, I was having a
baby and I was already 9 weeks. On my way out of the doctor’s
office, the receptionist asked if I would like to schedule my next appointment—which
I was NOT planning on—but she mentioned it included an ultrasound. That stopped me in my tracks. I couldn't pass up a chance to see my newest baby, in less than a week. I quickly scheduled my first appointment, for May 30th. All week, the only
thing I could think about was my first doctor’s appointment and how extremely
excited I was. Unfortunately, my excitement was dampened on May 29th, because I just didn't feel
right, and I just couldn't put my finger on what was SO upsetting to me.
My
excitement was further diminished when I woke up the next morning, the 30th,
experiencing spotting and cramping. To
say I was only slightly worried would be an understatement. At my appointment with Dr. G; I peed in a
cup, had blood drawn, Pap smear, and then the big moment- the ultrasound. I was so eager to see my little one. But the screen was empty—nothing. I was beyond panicking inside. Dr. G told us not to worry, “our pregnancy was
probably not as far along as we initially thought.” She told us to come back in two weeks and she would
try the ultrasound again. Despite what
the doctor said, I was certain I was miscarrying. And despite my certainty, her words gave me a small
glimmer of hope. I mourned greatly over my pregnancy that night.
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| Found on naptimetales.com |
My
sliver of hope only lasted until the next morning, the 31
st. I woke up bleeding and cramping more severely
than I had been the day before. AJ
called the doctor’s office and told them about my bleeding. They asked us to come in right away. We loaded the kids up that second and were sitting in the doctor’s office 10 minutes later.
Dr. G told us that she had been planning on calling us that same day about my
lab results. The hCG levels in my blood
were really low and my progesterone levels were even lower. Basically, my pregnancy was coming to a premature
end, at only 10 weeks. I was having a miscarriage. AJ and I were crushed! We have both wept bitterly and questioned, "
Why us? Why did we have to loose our baby?".
Even though we are heartbroken, AJ and I are both sure, our Heavenly Father will not
forsake us and our family. This is a
trial AJ and I never imagined we would experience, but it has come our way and
we know the Lord will carry us through. My husband and I cannot fathom why we needed to lose one of our children, but we have complete faith that this experience will be for our own good and He knows best. In our Savior, we have found comfort and strength enough, during this
sorrowful time. William Clayton, in
April of 1846, penned the words of an LDS hymn-- “Come, Come, Ye Saints”. These words have brought great peace to my heart.
Why should we mourn or think our
lot is hard?
'Tis not so; all is right.
Why should we think to earn a
great reward
If we now shun the fight?
Gird up you loins fresh courage
take.
Our God will never us forsake;
And soon we'll have this tale to
tell—
All is well! All is well!
On a different note:
Miscarriage is somewhat of a taboo subject in our society today, and some of you may be wondering, “Why
is she even sharing this story so publicly?” Let me just say, everyone grieves in very
different ways. Some, like me, prefer to grieve
in a private setting with little to no company; while others grieve healthier with
support people around them. It is impossible to
know, what level of support you will need or want concerning miscarriage, until
you have faced miscarriage yourself. AJ
and I are both still in the process of grieving over our lost child, but we wanted to share our personal
story of miscarriage as a source of support and comfort to others experiencing
the same thing. Also, we don't want to keep this child a secret. From the moment we found out we were expecting, "the fetus", as doctors would say, was a newborn infant in our eyes. Though only with us for a short time, our little angel came into our lives and changed us for the better.
