Dreams ...

                Lately, I have been tormented by horrible nightmares in the early morning hours.  Dreams, I am sure, that most every mother has or will have.  Last night I dreamt that we were on top of a tall building looking at strange new designs of grand pianos and listening to the Piano Guys play awesome melodies on them.  Why we were on top of a massive building- I have no idea.  I notice that Lily and Samuel had wondered off and were getting uncomfortably close to the edge of the building.  In order to protect them from imminent danger I start running toward them as fast as I can, but just before I get there Lily crawls off the side.  I do, however, manage to catch Samuel’s little hand as he tries to follow Lily.  Sobbing, I scoop my precious baby boy into my arms and watch, horrified as my sweet Lily falls down, down, down- while I am helpless to save her.

                Then we are driving on a deserted, windy road; to our left is a cliff jutting upward to unseen heights, and on our right is sheer drop straight into a large, endless lake.  Suddenly, our car lurches off the curved road and crashes into the middle of the freezing water.  We are sinking too fast as I struggle with the straps to the kids car seats.  Water is swiftly pouring in, and as I hand Samuel to AJ, I take Lily and we swim out of the broken windshield.  We swim and swim and swim, but we aren't making any noticeable progress toward the distant shoreline.  It is so difficult to keep the kids heads above water.   We are cold and tired when AJ and Samuel slip under.  I cry out, torn because I can’t save us all.

                There are others and they all have the same sad ending- me failing to save both my babies and occasionally, even my sweetheart AJ.  Someone is always lost.  I wake up unable to sleep, knowing dreadful images dance behind my eye lids, waiting for sleep to show themselves, but I don’t want more heartbreak.                                                         Thankfully, my mother taught me 20 years ago how to find comfort in troubling times like these.  When I was young, whenever I had a “bad dream” my Mom and I would sing a primary song and say a prayer, then I would go back to sleep.  I STILL do this; even last night.  I woke up and I sang, out loud, a couple hymns, said a prayer for comfort and I read scriptures- I read until I was no longer consumed with sad thoughts feelings of inadequacy.  It always works, and I always sleep peacefully the rest of the night.  I am thankful for a merciful Heavenly Father and the blessing of the atonement- which even helps with “bad dreams”.  And my angel mother who taught me in my youth how to turn to Him for comfort from nightmares.