Our experience with miscarriage. . .

                The whole tale begins with my last period, which began on March 23, 2013, and then missing my next period.  AJ and I were both 100% convinced I was pregnant.  On May 6^th I took a pregnancy test and it came up … negative.  Saddened by the unexpected results but a little relieved to not be having a “surprise” pregnancy, we went on with life.  Fast forward a week, past our car wreck and Smith family reunion, on May 21^st, we decided to take another home pregnancy test.  “Just in case, we took the last one too early.”  This time the test came back positive- I was SHOCKED!  So I took another one, the next day, on May 22^nd.  Which also affirmed I was expecting- I was elated!

Found at babycenter.com

                For insurance purposes, I scheduled a pregnancy test at a local doctor’s office for May 24^th.  Third time is the charm!  It was official, I was having a baby and I was already 9 weeks.  On my way out of the doctor’s office, the receptionist asked if I would like to schedule my next appointment—which I was NOT planning on—but she mentioned it included an ultrasound.  That stopped me in my tracks.  I couldn't pass up a chance to see my newest baby, in less than a week.  I quickly scheduled my first appointment, for May 30^th.  All week, the only thing I could think about was my first doctor’s appointment and how extremely excited I was.  Unfortunately, my excitement was dampened on May 29^th, because I just didn't feel right, and I just couldn't put my finger on what was SO upsetting to me.

                My excitement was further diminished when I woke up the next morning, the 30^th, experiencing spotting and cramping.  To say I was only slightly worried would be an understatement.  At my appointment with Dr. G; I peed in a cup, had blood drawn, Pap smear, and then the big moment- the ultrasound.  I was so eager to see my little one.  But the screen was empty—nothing.  I was beyond panicking inside.  Dr. G told us not to worry, “our pregnancy was probably not as far along as we initially thought.”  She told us to come back in two weeks and she would try the ultrasound again.  Despite what the doctor said, I was certain I was miscarrying.  And despite my certainty, her words gave me a small glimmer of hope.  I mourned greatly over my pregnancy that night.  

Found on naptimetales.com

                My sliver of hope only lasted until the next morning, the 31^st.  I woke up bleeding and cramping more severely than I had been the day before.  AJ called the doctor’s office and told them about my bleeding.  They asked us to come in right away.  We loaded the kids up that second and were sitting in the doctor’s office 10 minutes later.  Dr. G told us that she had been planning on calling us that same day about my lab results.  The hCG levels in my blood were really low and my progesterone levels were even lower.  Basically, my pregnancy was coming to a premature end, at only 10 weeks. I was having a miscarriage. AJ and I were crushed!  We have both wept bitterly and questioned, "Why us?  Why did we have to loose our baby?".

   Even though we are heartbroken, AJ and I are both sure, our Heavenly Father will not forsake us and our family.  This is a trial AJ and I never imagined we would experience, but it has come our way and we know the Lord will carry us through.  My husband and I cannot fathom why we needed to lose one of our children, but we have complete faith that this experience will be for our own good and He knows best.  In our Savior, we have found comfort and strength enough, during this sorrowful time.  William Clayton, in April of 1846, penned the words of an LDS hymn-- “Come, Come, Ye Saints”.  These words have brought great peace to my heart.

Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard?

'Tis not so; all is right.

Why should we think to earn a great reward

If we now shun the fight?

Gird up you loins fresh courage take.

Our God will never us forsake;

And soon we'll have this tale to tell—

All is well!  All is well!

On a different note:

                   Miscarriage is somewhat of a taboo subject in our society today, and some of you may be wondering, “Why is she even sharing this story so publicly?”  Let me just say, everyone grieves in very different ways.  Some, like me, prefer to grieve in a private setting with little to no company; while others grieve healthier with support people around them.  It is impossible to know, what level of support you will need or want concerning miscarriage, until you have faced miscarriage yourself.  AJ and I are both still in the process of grieving over our lost child, but we wanted to share our personal story of miscarriage as a source of support and comfort to others experiencing the same thing.  Also, we don't want to keep this child a secret.  From the moment we found out we were expecting, "the fetus", as doctors would say, was a newborn infant in our eyes.  Though only with us for a short time, our little angel came into our lives and changed us for the better. 

See also:  Finding comfort after miscarriage . . .