Finding comfort after miscarriage . . .

After my post, Our experience with miscarriage, all my dear family and wonderful friends have been asking me, how am I doing, how am I feeling?  (Which I have greatly, greatly appreciated.  Thank you everyone!)  I have honestly been able to answer that I am doing really, really well.  I am happy and I feel completely at peace with how everything has turned out.  People have since stopped asking about my feelings and I was astonished when I experienced days where my heart was raw; the pain, the disappointment, and the heartache, everything, of our loss felt fresh and unbearable.  I was pregnant! . . . and now I am not.  Just like that.  I will never hold my baby, nor will I feel the small movements of that precious little one inside my womb.  My stomach will not swell as my child, our child, grows within me.  Nothing.  All of it gone.  I did not expect the pain, after the peace, yet I have come to realize, this is how it is going to be.  I firmly believe, God will never let me experience anything I cannot overcome.

A sculpture in Slovakia, sculpted by Martin Hudáčeka  Source

*Disclaimer* This blog is written from the heart of a Latter-day Saint woman, and I found strength in the words of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints' leaders and prophet.  Their words don't pertain specifically to miscarriage, rather to any trial or hardship, big or small, we are called to bear.  My hope is to give another the comfort and encouragement I found. 

The Healing Power of Forgiveness

James E. Faust

Ensign, May 2007, 67-69

"All of us suffer some injuries from experiences that seem to have no rhyme or reason. We cannot understand or explain them. We may never know why some things happen in this life. The reason for some of our suffering is known only to the Lord. But because it happens, it must be endured. President Howard W. Hunter said that 'God knows what we do not know and sees what we do not see.' 

“President Brigham Young offered this profound insight that at least some of our suffering has a purpose when he said: ‘Every calamity that can come upon mortal beings will be suffered to come upon the few, to prepare them to enjoy the presence of the Lord. … Every trial and experience you have passed through is necessary for your salvation.’”

A Disciple’s Journey

Bruce C. Hafen

BYU Devotional Address, 5 February 2008

"The paradox of a divine tutorial also includes afflictions of some kind. Because Elder Maxwell was such a faithful student of discipleship, I draw again from him: 'The very act of choosing to be a disciple . . . can bring to us a certain special suffering,' because affliction and chastening are 'a form of learning as it is administered at the hands of a loving Father.' He also said, 'If we are serious about our discipleship, Jesus will eventually request each of us to do those very things which are most difficult for us to do.' And so, he said, 'sometimes the best people . . . have the worst experiences . . . because they are the most ready to learn.'”

Be of Good Cheer

President Thomas S. Monson

Ensign, May, 2009, pp. 89,92

"None of us makes it through this life without problems and challenges—and sometimes tragedies and misfortunes. After all, we are here to learn and grow from such events in our lives. We know that there are times when we will suffer, when we will grieve, and when we will be saddened. However, we are told, 'Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.'- 2 Nephi 2:25" 

"I testify to you that our promised blessings are beyond measure. Though the storm clouds may gather, though the rains may pour down upon us, our knowledge of the gospel and our love of our Heavenly Father and of our Savior will comfort and sustain us and bring joy to our hearts as we walk uprightly and keep the commandments. There will be nothing in this world that can defeat us." 

"My beloved brothers and sisters, fear not. Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith.”

Temple Sealings and Empty Mason Jars

Today, I want to share an inspiring quote I stumbled across earlier this morning.  I found it on THIS blog, but the quote comes from S. Michael Wilcox's book "House of Glory: Finding Personal Meaning in the Temple".

“My wife often cans peaches and pears in the fall. A great deal of work is necessary just to prepare the fruit. Then, once it is prepared, she puts it into jars, places the seals on, twists the lids tightly into place, and sets the jars in boiling water. Then she waits for the seals to set.

She has performed this operation dozens of times with hundreds of jars. In all that time I have never seen her seal an empty jar. Unless the jar is loaded with fruit, a seal is not placed. I doubt if anyone, among the thousands who can fruit every year, has ever sealed an empty jar. There must be something to preserve or the seal has no significance. 

The sealing of temple covenants is similar. When we are married at the altars of the temple, the Lord, from one point of view, gives us an empty jar. Then he instructs us to fill it with the wonderful fruits of righteous marriage. We fill it with love and compromise and forgiveness and joy and peace and shared trails; we fill it with all the things of life, all the good fruit. As we keep our covenants, returning often to renew them as we work for the dead, the jar begins to fill. As we grow older and our love deepens, we desire to preserve forever all the good we have stored. 

Our abiding in the covenant allows the Lord to place the seal on our covenant relationship and preserve the fruits of our righteousness for all eternity. This is the same for all temple covenants. Nobody seals an empty jar; neither does the Lord seal empty covenants. First there must be fruit to preserve.”

 This is my goal for my marriage with AJ, and as it was so wisely put on Seth Smith's blog...

"Eternal marriages are not made at the altar. They are made by the things that you do together and for each other every day thereafter. [Spend] your lifetime filling your jar with all of the sweet things of your life together."  -The Snyders

Becoming like Christ

                At church on Sunday, during the Relief Society lesson, the sister teaching the class encouraged us to share our "light" with someone this week.  Share a smile with those you pass, give your extra change to the homeless man on the corner, wipe a child's tear with patience and love, give up the closer parking spot in the Walmart parking lot, or share your knowledge of the gospel with a friend ... etc.  Basically, do something that you might not have done before.  I went away from that lesson saying to my self, "I can totally do this.  I will smile at someone AND give away my parking spot- easy!  I got this."  Well, yesterday, I read an article in the Ensign called Understanding Our Covenants With God.  It was a wonderful article and if you are interested you can read it HERE.  The last paragraph was a quote by Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles and it really touched me.

“The Final Judgment is not just an evaluation of a sum total of good and evil acts- what we have done.  It is an acknowledgement of the final effect of our acts and thoughts- what we have become.  It is not enough for anyone just to go through the motions.  The commandments, ordinances, and covenants of the gospel are not a list of deposits required to be made in some heavenly account.  The gospel of Jesus Christ is a plan that shows us how to become what our Heavenly Father desires us to become.”

                I thought to myself, “This is what I want to be and how I want to live- like Christ.”  One thing that I haven’t done in a very LONG time, because it is difficult for me, is share my knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ with someone.  So I want to do that now, with you- the person reading this post, this very moment.  I could so easily smile at you and give you the closer parking spot, but I want to give you something that can change your life forever.  Something I hold close to my heart- my testimony.

                I love my Savior and Redeemer; I know that He lives, right now.  He loves me and He loves you- right now, the way you and I are, today.  We are children of God, and Jesus Christ is our brother.  Families can last forever; even beyond the grave- isn’t that wonderful news!  I know that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is Christ’s true church, restored in this day through the prophet Joseph Smith Jr.  The Book of Mormon is the word of God, I have studied it and found it to be correct through the Spirit- read it and you can find out for yourself as well.

                Find out about other members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints at Mormon.org.  And information is readily available about our beliefs at lds.org.