Don't Grow Up Too Soon

October 25, 2012  10:27 AM

                Lately, I have been leaving the back door open, because the weather is downright perfect this time of year.  Samuel has been taking full advantage of his new ability to take toys in and out of the house at will.  This morning, I was sitting next to the couch playing with Lily while Samuel was busy running back and forth between inside and outside.  Suddenly, he brings his tricycle in the house and parks it by the front door- Odd. I think.  He starts saying something about forgetting his hat, and runs to his bedroom.  I hear shuffling of toys and a few loud clangs of toys hitting the wall.  What on earth is he doing back there?!  As I walk in he is proudly placing his little yellow helmet on his head.  I try to ask him where he is headed off to as he starts to mumble about needing keys.  He runs to the kitchen, pulls out the key drawer and fishes around till he finds the pool key.  His face says it all, “Perfect!”

            Confused, I ask again, “Where are you going in such a hurry Samuel?” 

            “School, Mommy.  Going school.” is the answer I get.  At that moment he runs over and gives me a big hug, leads me to the front door and kisses me smack on the lips.

    “Love you too Mommy.” He says.

    “You be a good boy at school Samuel and remember Mommy loves you.” Is my reply.

                Completely serious, he climbs on his bike, ready to go to school, and then he looks up at the door for a moment before turning back and saying, “Help Mommy, me.  Door.”

                This is basically how our mornings play out when AJ leaves for school- the keys, helmet, bike, hugs and kisses.  Samuel loves his Daddy so much and wants to be just like him.  But he’s not quite ready to grow up yet, and I am so thankful because I am definitely not ready to let my baby boy go.  We still have so many more memories to make before he becomes a man, just like his Daddy. 

Our Fair Weekend

Watching Cars.

                ASU has a "fall break" which is actually only a single day off of school- wow.  We decided that we were going to take advantage of the small amount of time given to us and this last weekend we packed up the kids in our little car.  While Samuel watched Cars, and Lily slept; we made the three hour trip to AJ’s hometown, to experience the County Fair.  Ok, ok.  We actually helped my in-laws run a concessions stand and talent show, but we all still had a wonderful time escaping all thoughts of school, homework and mid-terms!!  I snapped this adorable picture of my sweetheart cuddling our two babies in-between me taking orders from customers and giving orders to everyone else.  We made a really great team.  *Wink, wink*

I sure do love these three!!!

Some highlights of the weekend:

                Changing Samuel’s diaper and finding a toy box full of sand and rocks.

                AJ’s very first … ever, experience of an animal auction.

                Samuel running in circles, driving his Mater on everyone’s butts while we were preparing orders.

                Eating at Hillibertos- AMAZING!!

                Lily refusing to crawl in the pokey grass.

                Me stepping out of her comfort zone and taking orders and monies from complete strangers.

                Sleeping on the hard floor with a nocturnal little boy running a muck.

All in all, we had a memorable weekend together as a family.

Couldn't not share this adorable photo!!

Dreams ...

                Lately, I have been tormented by horrible nightmares in the early morning hours.  Dreams, I am sure, that most every mother has or will have.  Last night I dreamt that we were on top of a tall building looking at strange new designs of grand pianos and listening to the Piano Guys play awesome melodies on them.  Why we were on top of a massive building- I have no idea.  I notice that Lily and Samuel had wondered off and were getting uncomfortably close to the edge of the building.  In order to protect them from imminent danger I start running toward them as fast as I can, but just before I get there Lily crawls off the side.  I do, however, manage to catch Samuel’s little hand as he tries to follow Lily.  Sobbing, I scoop my precious baby boy into my arms and watch, horrified as my sweet Lily falls down, down, down- while I am helpless to save her.

                Then we are driving on a deserted, windy road; to our left is a cliff jutting upward to unseen heights, and on our right is sheer drop straight into a large, endless lake.  Suddenly, our car lurches off the curved road and crashes into the middle of the freezing water.  We are sinking too fast as I struggle with the straps to the kids car seats.  Water is swiftly pouring in, and as I hand Samuel to AJ, I take Lily and we swim out of the broken windshield.  We swim and swim and swim, but we aren't making any noticeable progress toward the distant shoreline.  It is so difficult to keep the kids heads above water.   We are cold and tired when AJ and Samuel slip under.  I cry out, torn because I can’t save us all.

                There are others and they all have the same sad ending- me failing to save both my babies and occasionally, even my sweetheart AJ.  Someone is always lost.  I wake up unable to sleep, knowing dreadful images dance behind my eye lids, waiting for sleep to show themselves, but I don’t want more heartbreak.                                                         Thankfully, my mother taught me 20 years ago how to find comfort in troubling times like these.  When I was young, whenever I had a “bad dream” my Mom and I would sing a primary song and say a prayer, then I would go back to sleep.  I STILL do this; even last night.  I woke up and I sang, out loud, a couple hymns, said a prayer for comfort and I read scriptures- I read until I was no longer consumed with sad thoughts feelings of inadequacy.  It always works, and I always sleep peacefully the rest of the night.  I am thankful for a merciful Heavenly Father and the blessing of the atonement- which even helps with “bad dreams”.  And my angel mother who taught me in my youth how to turn to Him for comfort from nightmares.